DOMESTIC VIOLENCE INFORMATION

What is Domestic Violence?
Domestic violence is a pattern of behavior used by a spouse or a partner to maintain power and control over another in an intimate relationship. There is no typical abuser, but advocates and experts on domestic violence maintain that the violence follows a typical cycle or pattern of behavior. This pattern may include, but is not limited to uses of:

• Physical violence
• Sexual violence
• Intimidation
• Isolation
• Emotional abuse
• Sexual abuse
• Economic abuse
• Coercion and threats

Domestic violence can result in psychological or physical trauma and even death.

The power and control wheel was created by the Domestic Abuse Intervention Project in Duluth, Minnesota and is a widely used model to illustrate how the tactics used by abusers to maintain power and control create a dynamic where victims ultimately feel trapped and terrified to leave.

Download the Power and Control Wheel

There are countless barriers that prevent a victim from leaving an abusive relationship. The secrecy of domestic violence coupled with shame and fear of retaliation make it difficult for women to leave their situation. The process of leaving is equally daunting, especially when children are involved. Researchers for the National Institute of Justice indicate that the risk of intimate partner homicide is highest when a victim of domestic abuse tries to leave the relationship, obtains a restraining order or another shelter of protection. As a result, the abuser is angered and threatened, and more apt to inflict grave bodily harm.¹

Domestic violence does not discriminate. It crosses the demographic lines of age, race, ethnicity, socio-economic class, gender, sexual orientation, educational level, religion, and ability--physical or mental. This violence occurs in every neighborhood. It occurs in the homes of college professors, corporate executives, doctors, lawyers, judges, and clergy as easily as it takes place in the homes of day laborers, store clerks, and homemakers.

Violence against a spouse or intimate partner is usually faceless and voiceless. For many people it is a hidden way of life, rarely discussed with family or friends. The very nature of its secrecy allows the violence to continue at disproportionate levels of intensity. But while the violence is a secret issue, it is nonetheless a public one affecting every family member and every individual within every community.

back to top

AM I BEING ABUSED CHECKLIST
Look over the following questions. Think about how you are being treated and how you
treat your partner. Remember, when one person scares, hurts or continually puts down
the other person, it's abuse. If you would like to give a copy to a friend or family
member, click here to download a printable version.
> Download "Am I Being Abused" Checklist

Does your partner…

• Embarrass or make fun of you in front of your friends or family?
• Put down your accomplishments or goals?
• Make you feel like you are unable to make decisions?
• Use intimidation or threats to gain compliance?
• Tell you that you are nothing without them?
• Treat you roughly - grab, push, pinch, shove or hit you?
• Call you several times a night or show up to make sure you are where you said you would be?
• Use drugs or alcohol as an excuse for saying hurtful things or abusing you?
• Blame you for how they feel or act?
• Pressure you sexually for things you aren't ready for?
• Make you feel like there "is no way out" of the relationship?
• Prevent you from doing things you want - like spending time with your friends or family?
• Try to keep you from leaving after a fight or leave you somewhere after a fight to
  "teach you a lesson"?

Do you …

• Sometimes feel scared of how your partner will act?
• Constantly make excuses to other people for your partner's behavior?
• Believe that you can help your partner change if only you changed something about yourself?
• Try not to do anything that would cause conflict or make your partner angry?
• Always do what your partner wants you to do instead of what you want?
• Stay with you partner because you are afraid of what your partner would do if you broke-up?
  
  (provided by National Coalition Against Domestic Violence)

If any of these are happening in your relationship, talk to someone. Without some help, the abuse will continue. For additional support contact one of the domestic violence resources listed below:

Domestic Violence Resources
The DC Coalition Against Domestic Violence provides an extensive listing of domestic violence resources in DC, Maryland and Virginia. Go to dccadv.org

House of Ruth 202-667-7001 Ext. 217

My Sister's Place 202.529.5991

National Domestic Violence Hotline 1.800.799.SAFE

Gay and Lesbian National Hotline 1.888.843.4564

District of Columbia City-wide Sexual Assault Hotline 202.333.RAPE

To conduct a focused search for resources that includes various characteristics and descriptions of programs in the Washington Metropolitan area, go to WEAVE's on-line Resource Directory: weaveincorp.org/information

back to top

Creating a Safety Plan
Having a safety plan is a way for you to literally plan to keep yourself safe in various environments and situations. The personalized safety plan below can be printed out for you or someone you know to fill out and keep in a safe place, preferably with you, at all times. Your safety plan should be reviewed and updated periodically to keep it current. If you need assistance thinking through your own safety options please contact an advocate at one of the domestic violence hotlines listed above under Domestic Violence Resources.

> Download Safety Plan

back to top

¹ Nagin, et al. “Do Domestic Violence Services Save Lives?” National Institutes of Justice Journal. 2003 (250): 20-25